EXT. LONDON - 1855 - NIGHT
[Warm light shines from the study of the gracious Kingsleigh home. A man, silhouetted in the window, speaks with ardor.]
INT. THE STUDY - NIGHT
[CHARLES KINGSLEIGH has just described his new venture to his friends, including LORD ASCOT.]
LORD ASCOT
Charles, you have finally lost your senses.
A COLLEAGUE
This venture is impossible.
CHARLES KINGSLEIGH
For some. Gentlemen, the only way to achieve the impossible is to believe it is possible.
A COLLEAGUE
That kind of thinking could ruin you.
CHARLES KINGSLEIGH
I’m willing to take that chance. Imagine trading posts in Rangoon, Bangkok, Jakarta...
[He stops. His nine year-old daughter ALICE stands at the door in her nightgown. He goes to her.]
CHARLES KINGSLEIGH
The nightmare again?
[She nods. He takes her hand and turns to his guests.]
CHARLES KINGSLEIGH
I won’t be long.
INT. YOUNG ALICE’S BEDROOM - LATER
[He sits on her bed, listening with utmost seriousness.]
ALICE
I’m falling down a dark hole, then I see strange creatures...
CHARLES KINGSLEIGH
What kind of creatures?
ALICE
Well, there’s a dodo bird, a rabbit in a waistcoat, a smiling cat...
CHARLES KINGSLEIGH
I didn’t know cats could smile.
ALICE
Neither did I. Oh, and there’s a blue caterpillar.
CHARLES KINGSLEIGH
Blue caterpillar. Hmm.
ALICE
Do you think I’ve gone round the bend?
[He feels her forehead as if for a fever.]
CHARLES KINGSLEIGH
I’m afraid so. You’re mad. Bonkers. Off your head. But I’ll tell you a secret...all the best people are.
[She smiles and leans against him.]
CHARLES KINGSLEIGH
It’s only a dream, Alice. Nothing can harm you there. But if you get too frightened, you can always wake up. Like this.
[He pinches her. She screams and pinches him back.]
EXT. THE OUTSKIRTS OF LONDON - TEN YEARS LATER
[It is now 1865. A horse-drawn carriage careens down the road at a full gallop.]
INT. THE CARRIAGE - DAY
[ALICE KINGSLEIGH is now 19 and on the verge of womanhood, beautiful, but slightly off-kilter. She sees the world with different eyes than other people her age. Presently, she’s tired and grumpy as her mother fusses with her wild mane of blonde hair. They are on their way to the Ascot Estate for her surprise engagement party]
ALICE
Must we go? I doubt they’ll notice if we never arrive.
HELEN KINGSLEIGH
They will notice.
[She re-ties her waist sash, feeling for her corset.]
HELEN KINGSLEIGH
Where’s your corset?
[She pulls back her dress to see bare legs.]
HELEN KINGSLEIGH
And no stockings!
ALICE
I’m against them.
HELEN KINGSLEIGH
But you’re not properly dressed.
ALICE
Who’s to say what is proper? What if it was agreed that “proper” was wearing a codfish on your head? Would you wear it?
HELEN KINGSLEIGH
(Sternly) Alice.
ALICE
To me a corset is like a codfish.
HELEN KINGSLEIGH
Please. Not today.
[Frustrated, Alice looks out the window and mutters.]
ALICE
Father would have laughed.
[She sees the hurt on her mother’s face and instantly regrets her words.]
ALICE
I’m sorry. I’m tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.
[Her mother pats her hand in a forgiving gesture.]
HELEN KINGSLEIGH
Did you have bad dreams again?
ALICE
Only one. It’s always the same ever since I can remember. Do you think that’s normal? Don’t most people have different dreams?
[Alice’s mother removes her own jewelry and puts it on her.]
HELEN KINGSLEIGH
I don’t know. There! You’re beautiful. Now, can you manage a smile?
EXT. ASCOT ESTATE - THE GARDENS
[The garden party is in full swing. Everyone has turned out in their summer finest. Guests play croquet on the great lawn. Skiffs drift lazily on a meandering river. Alice approaches LORD and LADY ASCOT with a fixed unnatural smile. Lord Ascot is a stately, aristocratic man. Lady Ascot is red-faced with annoyance.]
LADY ASCOT
At last! We thought you’d never arrive. Alice, Hamish is waiting to dance with you. Go!
[She pushes Alice off and turns on Helen.]
LADY ASCOT
You do realize it’s well past four! Now everything will have to be rushed through!
HELEN KINGSLEIGH
I am sorry. We...
LADY ASCOT
Never mind!
[She rushes off.]
LORD ASCOT
Forgive my wife. She’s been planning this affair for the last twenty years.
HELEN KINGSLEIGH
If only Charles were here...
LORD ASCOT
My condolences, madame. I think of your husband often. He was truly a man of vision.
HELEN KINGSLEIGH
Thank you.
LORD ASCOT
I hope you don’t think I have taken advantage of your misfortune.
HELEN KINGSLEIGH
Of course not. I’m pleased that you’ve purchased the company.
LORD ASCOT
I was a fool for not investing in his mad venture when I had the chance.
[She smiles.]
HELEN KINGSLEIGH
Charles thought so too.
EXT. GARDEN - QUADRILLE
[Alice does a line dance with HAMISH who takes after his mother, refined and immaculate with aristocratic arrogance.]
ALICE
Hamish, do you ever tire of the Quadrille?
HAMISH
On the contrary. I find it invigorating.
[He struts like a peacock. Alice laughs.]
HAMISH
Do I amuse you?
ALICE
No. I had a sudden vision of all the ladies in waistcoats and the men wearing dresses.
[He doesn’t even crack a smile.]
HAMISH
It would be best to keep your visions to yourself. When in doubt, remain silent.
[Alice’s smile fades. Without her father, she feels there’s no one like her in the whole world. They dance on. Alice sees a flock of geese overhead. Distracted, she bumps into the dancers in front of them.]
HAMISH
Pardon us! Miss Kingsleigh is distracted today.
(to Alice) Where is your head?
ALICE
I was wondering what it would be like to fly.
HAMISH
Why would you waste your time thinking about such an impossible thing?
ALICE
Why wouldn’t I? My father said he sometimes believed in six impossible things before breakfast.
[She laughs at the memory. Hamish looks pained. He sees his mother nearby. She waves him on impatiently.]
HAMISH
Meet me under the gazebo in precisely ten minutes.
[He goes off. Suddenly two giggling girls appear in front of Alice. It’s the Chattaways.]
FAITH
We have a secret to tell you.
ALICE
If you’re telling me, then it’s not much of a secret.
FIONA
Perhaps we shouldn’t.
FAITH
We decided we should!
FIONA
If we tell her, she won’t be surprised.
FAITH
Will you be surprised?
ALICE
Not if you tell me. But now you’ve brought it up, you have to.
FAITH
No we don’t.
FIONA
In fact, we won’t.
ALICE
I wonder if your mother knows that you two swim naked in the Havershim’s pond.
FAITH
You wouldn’t!
ALICE
Oh, but I would. There’s your mother now.
[Alice starts to walk toward her. Fiona blurts out.]
FIONA
Hamish is going to ask for your hand!
[Alice stops dead. Her sister, MARGARET, suddenly pulls her away.]
MARGARET
You’ve ruined the surprise!
(to Alice)
I could strangle them! Everyone went to so much effort to keep the secret.
ALICE
Does everyone know?
MARGARET
It’s why they’ve all come. This is your engagement party. Hamish will ask you under the gazebo. When you say “yes”...
ALICE
But I don’t know if I want to marry him.
MARGARET
Who then? You won’t do better than a Lord.
[She looks at Hamish who blows his nose, studies the contents of his kerchief, then folds it and puts it in his pocket.]
MARGARET
You’ll soon be twenty, Alice. That pretty face won’t last forever. You don’t want to end up like Aunt Imogene.
[They look at their middle-aged AUNT IMOGENE with over-rouged cheeks and a yellowing white dress that’s too young for her.]
MARGARET
And you don’t want to be a burden on mother, do you?
ALICE
No.
MARGARET
So, you will marry Hamish. You will be as happy as I am with Lowell and your life will be perfect. It’s already decided.
[Lady Ascot’s face suddenly looms in hers.]
LADY ASCOT
Alice dear, shall we take a leisurely stroll through the garden? Just you and me?
[She jerks her away quickly.]
EXT. ROSE GARDENS
[Lady Ascot steers her through the gardens at a fast clip.]
LADY ASCOT
Do you know what I’ve always dreaded?
ALICE The decline of the aristocracy?
LADY ASCOT
Ugly grandchildren. But you’re lovely. You’re bound to produce little...
(she gasps)
Imbeciles! The gardeners planted white roses when I specifically asked for red!
ALICE
You could always paint the roses red.
[Lady Ascot looks at her strangely.]
LADY ASCOT
What an odd thing to say. Come along.
[She hurries her along the path. Alice hears a jingling sound.]
LADY ASCOT
You should know that my son has extremely delicate digestion...
[Alice sees SOMETHING LARGE AND WHITE dart past. It’s Nivens McTwisp.]
ALICE
Did you see that?
LADY ASCOT
See what?
ALICE
’Twas a rabbit, I think.
LADY ASCOT
Nasty things. I do enjoy setting the dogs on them. Don’t dawdle.
[She rushes Alice toward the gazebo. Alice looks for the rabbit.]
LADY ASCOT
If you serve Hamish the wrong foods, he could get a blockage.
[And there it is, a LARGE WHITE RABBIT in a waistcoat, standing on his hind legs and staring directly at Alice. She blinks. McTwisp darts behind a tree.]
ALICE
Did you see it that time?
LADY ASCOT
See what?
ALICE
The rabbit!
LADY ASCOT
Don’t shout! Pay attention. Hamish said you were easily distracted. What was I saying?
ALICE
Hamish has a blockage. I couldn’t be more interested, but you’ll have to excuse me.
[Alice dives into the wooded area off the path and stands for a moment, mind reeling. A hand lands on her shoulder. She jumps.]
ALICE
Aunt Imogene! I think I’m going mad. I keep seeing a rabbit in a waistcoat.
IMOGENE
How very strange. What kind of waistcoat?
ALICE
Brocade, I think. What does it matter? It’s a rabbit in a waistcoat!
IMOGENE
I can’t be bothered with your fancy rabbit now. I’m waiting for my fiancé.
ALICE
You have a fiancé?
[McTwisp darts by.]
ALICE
There! Did you see it?
IMOGENE
He’s a prince. But alas he cannot marry me unless he renounces his throne. Isn’t it tragic?
ALICE
Very.
[She backs away and runs into her sister’s husband, LOWELL, kissing a strange woman. The woman runs off.]
ALICE
Lowell?
LOWELL
Alice. We were...Hattie is an old friend.
ALICE
I can see you’re very close.
[Lowell is bright red and highly flustered.]
LOWELL
You won’t mention this to your sister, will you?
ALICE
I don’t know. I’m confused. I need time to think.
LOWELL
Think of Margaret. She would never trust me again. You don’t want to ruin her marriage, do you?
ALICE
Me? I’m not the one...
[Suddenly Hamish is there, annoyed.]
HAMISH
There you are! I told you meet me under the gazebo!
EXT. GARDEN - GAZEBO
[He pulls her under the gazebo. The shadows of the pillars fall on her like prison bars. She glances at a string quartet discreetly positioned in the shadows... bows poised. Hamish drops to his knee. Alice notices an artist immortalizing the moment.]
HAMISH
Alice Kingsleigh...
ALICE
Hamish.
HAMISH
What is it?
ALICE
You have a caterpillar on your shoulder.
[He frantically brushes at his shoulder.]
ALICE
Don’t hurt it.
[Alice lets the CATERPILLAR crawl onto her finger, then places it gently onto a tree branch.]
HAMISH
You’ll want to wash that finger.
[He sees his mother motioning to him from below. Everyone is watching. He blurts out.]
HAMISH
Alice Kingsleigh, will you be my wife?
[The question hangs in the air. Unsure of herself, unsure of her future, unsure of her own sanity in that moment, Alice stammers.]
ALICE
I...I......well, everyone expects me to...and you’re a Lord...and my face won’t last...and I don’t want to end up like (looks at Aunt Imogene) ...but this is happening so quickly...I think...I...I... (looks at Hamish's parents)
[She sees McTwisp leaning against a pillar, glaring at her with undisguised impatience tapping his watch.]
ALICE
...need a moment.
[She turns and runs.]
EXT. THE MEADOW - DAY
[She follows McTwisp across a meadow.]
ALICE
Wait!
[She loses sight of him. She peeks over the hedgerow. No rabbit. Stumped, she looks around. A white paw reaches up and grasps her by the ankle. With a quick jerk, he pulls her down into the rabbit hole. She screams...]
DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE
[...and tumbles head over heels down the rabbit hole. She frantically grabs at the walls which are hung with paintings, ancient maps, cracked mirrors, demonic masks, etc. She pulls out books, jam jars, a crystal ball, a badger claw, a monkey's hand and a human skull in her frantic effort to stop herself. And down she falls. It begins to grow dark as the day passes into night. And still she falls. Finally, after what seems like hours...]
INT. THE ROUND HALL - DAY
[WHAM! She hits bottom, smacking her head on a wooden floor.]
ALICE
Ah!
[Wind knocked out, she gasps for air, then she sits up, rubbing the bump on her forehead. She’s in a round hall with many doors. She gets up and tries a door. It’s locked. She tries another one and another. She knocks.]
ALICE
Hello? Hello! Anyone there?
[No answer. She moves around the hall. Every door locked. She sees a three-legged glass table with a small key sitting on top. She picks up the key and tries it in a door. It’s too small for the lock. She tries it in a few doors, too small. She comes upon a curtain and pulls it aside to reveal a little door about two feet high. She tries the key in the door. It fits. She pulls the doorknob and bends down to look through to the other side.]
THROUGH THE SMALL DOOR
[She sees a garden with a fountain. She tries to fit through the door, but her shoulders get stuck. She pulls back. Stumped, she goes back to the table and replaces the key. But now there’s a bottle on the table. She looks for the person who put it there.]
ALICE
Is someone here?
[She looks at a label. “DRINK ME”. She sniffs the contents, recoils, then shrugs.]
ALICE
It’s only a dream.
[She takes a drink, shudders, gags and coughs from the taste. In a moment, she notices that the table is getting larger.]
ALICE
That’s curious.
[Alice SHRINKS to two feet high.]
HER POV
[The doors loom above her. She takes a step and trips on her now-oversized clothes. Dragging them behind, she tries to open the door. But it’s locked. She groans as she realizes what she’s done. She goes back to the glass table where she can see the gold key sitting on top.]
CUT TO:
ON ALICE - THROUGH A KEYHOLE
[We hear VOICES as they watch Alice through a keyhole.]
DODO (O.S.)
You’d think she would remember this from the first time.
MALLY (O.S.)
You’ve brought the wrong Alice.
MCTWISP (O.S.)
She’s the right one. I’m certain of it.
INT. THE ROUND HALL
[Alice attempts to climb the table leg but gets tangled in her too-big clothes and slides off. She notices a little box under the table. She looks around for the unseen person.]
ALICE
If this is some sort of prank, I am not amused!
[She opens the box. It’s a cake with “EAT ME” written out in ornate icing. She considers, looks up at the key high above on the table. She takes a tiny taste of the cake. She takes another bite. WHOOSH! She shoots upward rapidly. Her clothes fit again, but she keeps growing. Buttons pop, seams are strained, and her skirt gets shorter. The ceiling gets closer...her head grazes it! She stops. Relieved, she bends down and picks up the gold key. Crouching, she goes to the little door and fits the key in the lock.]
ON ALICE - THEIR POV
MALLY (O.S.)
She’s the wrong Alice.
MCTWISP (O.S.)
Give her a chance.
INT. THE ROUND HALL
[She laughs at herself and goes back to the table. She picks up the little bottle and takes another swallow, shivers at the taste, then shrinks again to two feet high. Dragging her too-big clothes, she runs to the door, puts the key in the lock, opens it and steps through.]
EXT. A GARDEN IN UNDERLAND
[She enters a fantastical world. Underland is bizarre, illogical, often dangerous, absurd, and strangely beautiful. The garden is brown and tangled, its statues broken and overgrown. The mossy fountain is silent. Alice hears bellow/sneezing sound as a GREEN PIG dashes past. The TALL FLOWERS have gaunt, haunted HUMAN FACES. SHABBY, THIN BIRDS walk on stalk legs. DRAGONFLIES, HORSEFLIES and ENORMOUS GNATS do fierce battle in the sky above.]
ALICE
Curiouser and curiouser.
MCTWISP
I told you she's the right Alice.
[She turns to see a DODO BIRD with eyeglasses and a walking stick, McTwisp, Mally (a dormouse) in breeches and two round BOYS with their arms thrown over each other's shoulders, Tweedledee and Tweedledum are stitched on their collars.]
MALLY
I am not convinced.
[McTwisp throws up his hands.]
MCTWISP
How is that for gratitude? I've been up there for weeks trailing one Alice after the next! And I was almost eaten by other animals! Can you imagine? They go about entirely unclothed and they do their...shukm in public. I had to avert my eyes.
[The FLOWERS WITH HUMAN FACES study Alice.]
TALKING FLOWER
She doesn't look anything like herself.
MALLY
That's because she's the wrong Alice.
TWEEDLEDEE
And if she was, she might be.
TWEEDLEDUM
But if she isn't, she ain't.
TWEEDLEDEE
But if she were so, she would be.
TWEEDLEDUM
But she isn't. Nohow.
ALICE
How can I be the "wrong Alice" when it's my dream? And who are you, if I may ask.
[Dee shakes her hand, speaking very fast.]
TWEEDLEDEE
I'm Tweedledee he's Tweedledum.
TWEEDLEDUM
Contrariwise. I'm Tweedledum, he's Tweedledee.
DODO
We should consult Absolem.
TALKING FLOWER
Exactly. Absolem will know who she is.
[Tweedledee puts out his arm to her.]
TWEEDLEDEE
I'll escort you.
[Dum pulls her away from Dee.]
TWEEDLEDUM
It's not being your turn.
[They tug her between them.]
TWEEDLEDEE
Leave off!
TWEEDLEDUM
Let go!
ALICE
Are they always this way?
MCTWISP
Family trait.
(to Tweedles)
You can both escort her.
[Dee takes one arm. Dum takes the other and ALICE, THE TWEEDLES, THE DODO, WHITE RABBIT and DORMOUSE start off. The HUMAN-FACED FLOWERS gossip about Alice as they pass.
TALKING FLOWERS
It can't be her. She looks nothing like Alice. She is not even wearing the right dress.
ALICE
Who is this Absolem?
MCTWISP
He's wise. He's absolute.
THE TWEEDLES
He's Absolem.
EXT. THE MUSHROOM FOREST - DAY
[They enter a forest of tall mushrooms surrounded by mist.]
ABSOLEM (O.S.)
Who are you?
[Alice can see a form ahead where the mist rises in a steady plume. It’s coming from a hookah. There’s a BLUE CATERPILLAR smoking it. McTwisp pushes Alice toward him.]
ALICE
Absolem?
ABSOLEM
You’re not Absolem. I’m Absolem. The question is...who are YOU?
[He blows smoke rings in her face. She coughs.]
ALICE
Alice.
ABSOLEM
We shall see.
ALICE
What do you mean by that? I ought to know who I am!
ABSOLEM
Yes, you ought. Stupid girl. Unroll the Oraculum.
[MCTWISP unrolls an ancient PARCHMENT lying on a toadstool.]
MCTWISP
“The Oraculum: Being a Calendrical Compendium of Underland.”
[Alice looks. It’s a timeline depicting the major events of each day. Every day has a title and an illustration.]
ALICE
It’s a calendar.
ABSOLEM
Compendium. It tells of each and every day since the Beginning.
MCTWISP
Today is Griblig day in the time of the Red Queen.
[He points to the illustration.]
CLOSE ON THE ORACULUM
[It shows all of them, including Alice, peering at the Oraculum, at that exact moment.]
EXT. THE MUSHROOM FOREST
ABSOLEM
Show her the Frabjous day.
[McTwisp turns the scroll further into the future.]
TWEEDLEDEE
Frabjous being the day you slay the Jabberwocky.
ALICE
Sorry? Slay the...what?
CLOSE ON THE ORACULUM - HER POV
[The illustration is animated. The Jabberwocky is tall as a dinosaur with reptilian wings, scales, long sharp claws, a pronged tail and a vest. It hisses! A Knight with long blonde hair in chain mail fights him with a shining sword.]
TWEEDLEDUM (O.S.)
That being you there with the Vorpal sword.
TWEEDLEDEE (O.S.)
No other swords can kill the Jabberwocky. Nohow.
TWEEDLEDUM (O.S.)
If it ain’t Vorpal, he ain’t dead.
[As she swings the sword, she reveals her face to the readers. The girl is unmistakably Alice, with bloodlust in her eye.]
EXT. THE MUSHROOM FOREST
[Alice backs away.]
ALICE
That’s not me.
MALLY
I know!
MCTWISP
Resolve this for us, Absolem. Is she the right Alice?
[ABSOLEM looks Alice in the eye.]
ABSOLEM
Not Hardly.
[He blows smoke, obliterating himself from view.]
MALLY
I told you!
MCTWISP
Oh dear!
TWEEDLEDUM
I said so.
TWEEDLEDEE
No, I said so.
TWEEDLEDUM
Contrariwise, you said she might be.
TWEEDLEDEE
No. You said she would be if she was.
THE FLOWERS
Little imposter! Pretending to be Alice! She should be ashamed!
MCTWISP
I was so certain of you.
[They all glare at her as if it is somehow her fault.]
ALICE
I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be the wrong Alice. Wait, this is my dream. I’m going to wake up now and you’ll all disappear.
[She closes her eyes and pinches herself. She opens them again. The animals are still there.]
ALICE
That’s curious.
[She pinches herself again. The animals just look at her.]
ALICE
Pinching usually does the trick.
[Mally pulls a long sharp hat pin from her scabbard.]
MALLY
I could stick you if that would ‘elp.
ALICE
It might actually. Thank you.
MALLY
My pleasure.
[She stabs her in the ankle with relish. Alice yelps. But instead of a small sound, a THUNDEROUS ROAR is heard and the BANDERSNATCH smashes through a high wall.]
TWEEDLEDEE
Bandersnatch!
[He has a huge furry body with the head of a rabid bulldog. Drool oozes from his squashed muzzle. His fur is caked with blood and filth. His teeth are shark like and broken, stained with blood. A foul stench emanates from him. Everyone scatters. But they’re intercepted by RED KNIGHTS wearing the RED QUEEN’S CREST: a heart in flames. The Knights capture the fleeing animals. A PIG and a FLAMINGO are caught and thrown into a caged wagon. The Dodo gets away. A Knight grabs the White Rabbit by his leg, lifting him up...]
MCTWISP
Unhand me! I do not enjoy being...
[He’s tossed into the caged wagon with the others.]
EXT. THE GARDEN PATH
[Alice runs. The Bandersnatch thunders after her. She stops.]
ALICE
Wait. It’s only a dream. Nothing can hurt me.
[She turns around to face it. Mally watches from behind a tree.]
MALLY
What is she doing?
[The Bandersnatch opens his drooling muzzle to eat Alice.]
ALICE
Can’t hurt me...can’t hurt me.
MALLY
Run, you great lug!
[Mally groans. She leaps onto the Bandersnatch, pulls herself up, hand-over-hand to his shoulder and drives her hatpin into his eye. He bellows! She tries to pull the hatpin out, but the whole eye pops out. Bandersnatch howls and whips around raking Alice’s arm with his long claws. She runs.]
EXT. THE MUSHROOM FOREST - ON THE ORACULUM
[A large HAND with RED BIRTHMARK reaches down and picks up the abandoned Oraculum. The grim KNAVE OF HEARTS, ILOSOVIC STAYNE, has a flaming red birth mark which covers half his face and hands. He looks through the scroll and sees something that alarms him. He tucks it into his saddle bag and rides away.]
EXT. THE CROSSLING - DAY
[Alice runs down the path, but it diverges in two directions. A road sign points south to “SNUD” and east to “QUEAST”.]
TWEEDLEDUM
This way! East to Queast!
TWEEDLEDEE
No, south to Snud!
[He pulls her one way. Tweedledee pulls her the other. There’s an ear-slitting SCREECH. The enormous JUBJUB BIRD lands in front of them. He’s part monkey-eating eagle and part ostrich. He makes a “JUB’JUB” sound as he snatches the Tweedles in his claws and takes flight.]
EXT. FLYING WITH THE JUBJUB BIRD
[The JubJub flies over the barren red earth of Crims with the Tweedles in his claws toward Salazen Grum and the castle of the Red Queen on the shore of the Crimsen sea. Her flag with the Heart in Flames flies atop the spires.
INT. THE RED QUEEN’S GREAT HALL/THRONE ROOM - DAY
[A long hall is lined with FROG FOOTMEN with A FISH BUTLER. The RED QUEEN’S angry scream comes from behind closed doors. The doors bang open to reveal IRACEBETH the RED QUEEN. She has a huge oversized head, extremely large features, and bright red hair.]
RED QUEEN
Someone has stolen three of my tarts!
[She leans into the face of a frog.]
RED QUEEN
Did you steal them?
FOOTFROG #1
No, your Majesty.
[She walks the row, studying the face of each frog. At the end, she whirls to leer into the face of one terrified frog.]
RED QUEEN
Did you steal my tarts?
FOOTFROG #3
No, Your Majesty.
[She wipes a telltale bit of jam from the side of his mouth. She holds her finger up and tastes the juice.]
RED QUEEN
Squimberry juice.
FOOTFROG #3
I was so hungry!
RED QUEEN
OFF WITH HIS HEAD!
[Red Knights converge on the guilty Frog.]
FOOTFROG #3
No! Please! I have a family! I have little ones to look after!
[The Knights drag him out. The Queen turns to the Fish Butler.]
RED QUEEN
Go to his house and collect the little ones. I love tadpoles on toast almost as much as I love caviar.
[The Fish butler suppresses his revulsion and anger.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Majesty?
[The Queen’s face lights up to see him. She turns flirty.]
RED QUEEN
Ilosovic Stayne...you knave, where have you been lurking?
[She holds out her hand. He kisses it, barely. She sighs.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Majesty, I found the Oraculum.
[He lays it on a table and rolls it out.]
RED QUEEN
That? It looks so ordinary for an oracle.
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Look here. On the Frabjous Day.
[He points to the illustration of Alice in the scroll.]
RED QUEEN
I’d know that tangled mess of hair anywhere. Is it Alice?
KNAVE OF HEARTS
I believe it is.
RED QUEEN
What is she doing with my darling Jabberwocky?
KNAVE OF HEARTS
She appears to be slaying it.
RED QUEEN
She killed my Jabberbabywocky?!?!?
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Not yet. But it will happen if we don’t stop her.
RED QUEEN
Find Alice, Stayne. Find her!
KNAVE OF HEARTS
I will bring her head and lay it at
your feet.
RED QUEEN
No. Bring the whole girl. I want to do it myself.
[He nods.]
EXT. NEAR THE STABLES - LATER
[Stayne sits on his horse as the Knights hold a growling BLOODHOUND, BAYARD, bound by a spiked collar and heavy ropes.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Find the scent of human girl and earn your freedom.
BLOODHOUND
For my wife and pups as well?
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Everyone goes home.
[He puts his nose to the ground and leads the Knights off. Stayne strokes his horse’s neck.]
STAYNE’S HORSE
Dogs will believe anything.
EXT. THE TULGEY WOOD - DAY
[Still running, Alice stops to look at the gashes on her arm.]
CHESHIRE CAT (O.S.)
It looks like you ran afoul of something with wicked claws.
[She sees the disembodied head of a CAT hovering midair.]
ALICE
And I’m still dreaming!
CHESHIRE CAT
What did that to you?
ALICE
Banner or Bander...
CHESHIRE CAT
The Bandersnatch? I’d better have a look.
[The Cat disappears then reappears as a whole cat. CHESSUR is all calm, casual sensuality with a seductive grin. He inspects the wound, then tries to lick it.]
ALICE
What are you doing?
CHESHIRE CAT
It needs to be purified by someone with evaporating skills or it will fester and putrefy.
ALICE
I’ll be fine as soon as I wake up.
CHESHIRE CAT
At least let me bind it for you.
[She allows him to use his handkerchief to bind the wound.]
CHESHIRE CAT
What do you call yourself?
ALICE
Alice.
CHESHIRE CAT
The Alice?
ALICE
There’s been some debate about that.
CHESIRE CAT
I never get involved in politics. You’d best be on your way.
ALICE
What way? All I want to do is wake up from this dream!
CHESHIRE CAT
Fine. I’ll take you to the Hare and the Hatter. But that’s the end of it.
[He disappears suddenly. She looks around. He reappears ahead.]
CHESHIRE CAT
Coming?
[There’s nothing else for her to do but follow.]
EXT. HOUSE OF THE MARCH HARE
[The house is part hare/part house. The chimneys are ears. The roof is thatched with fur. The picket fence is rabbit feet, doorknob a bunny tail. The windows are pink rabbit eyes that look round and blink. The tea party has been going on for years. The tea set is an odd admixture of cracked pots and chipped cups. The tablecloth is stained and threadbare, the chairs lopsided. The MAD HATTER slumps in one of them, staring into space, pale and morose. Even his clothes reflect his gloomy mood. He always wears a ragged and scorched TOP HAT. Paranoid and anxious, the MARCH HARE constantly wrings his paws and long ears. The Dormouse has arrived ahead of Alice. She wears the Bandersnatch eye at her waist. The Hare/house taps the March Hare on his head.]
MARCH HARE
What? Where? Who’s there?
[The Cheshire Cat strolls in with Alice. At sight of her, the Hatter bolts upright. He brightens, his clothes even perk up. Transfixed, he moves towards her, shortest route being across the top of the table. He comes close, studying her intently.]
MAD HATTER
Your hair wants cutting... It’s you.
MALLY
No, it’s not. McTwisp brought us the wrong Alice.
MAD HATTER
It’s absolutely Alice. You’re absolutely Alice! I’d know you anywhere. I’d know him anywhere.
[He takes her hand and pulls her back over the top of the table. She tries not to step on any teacups. He plunks her down in the chair next to his.]
MAD HATTER
Well, as you can see we’re still having tea. It’s all because I was obliged to kill Time waiting for your return. You’re terribly late, you know... naughty. Well anyway, time became quite offended and stopped altogether. Not a tick ever since.
ALICE
Time can be funny in dreams.
MAD HATTER
Yes yes, of course. But now you are back, you see, and we need to get on to the Frabjous day. I’m investigating things that begin with the letter M. Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?
[Hare, Hatter and Mally clasp their hands high.]
HATTER/HARE/MALLY
Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid!
ALICE
Sorry?
CHESHIRE CAT
“Down with the Bloody Big Head”. Bloody Big Head being the Red Queen.
MALLY
It’s a secret language used by us... the Underland Underground Resistance!
MAD HATTER
Come, come. We simply must commence with the slaying and such...
(to Time)
Therefore, it’s high time for Time to forgive and forget. Or forget and forgive, whichever comes first. Or, is in any case, most convenient. I’m waiting.
[The March Hare taps his watch, listens to it, dips it into his tea cup, listens again.]
MARCH HARE
It’s tick-tick-ticking again!
[The Cat puts his tea cup down with disgust.]
CHESIRE CAT
All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea.
MAD HATTER
The entire world is falling to ruin and poor Chessur’s off his tea.
CHESIRE CAT
What happened that day was not my fault!
[Suddenly enraged, the Hatter slams both hands on the table. Cups and teapots go flying.]
MAD HATTER
You ran out on them to save your own skin!
(cursing in Outlandish)
You guddler’s scuttish pilgar lickering...
[The Cheshire Cat puts his paws over Alice’s ears. The Hatter keeps cursing faster and faster. He can’t stop himself.]
MAD HATTER
...Shukm juggling sluking urpals. Bar lom muck egg brimni.
MALLY
Hatter!
[The Hatter jerks. He pulls himself back to the moment.]
MAD HATTER
(Fez ??) Thank you. I’m fine.
CHESIRE CAT
What’s wrong with you, Tarrant? You used to be the life of the party. You used to do the best Futterwacken in all of Witzend.
ALICE
Futter...?
MALLY
It’s a dance.
MAD HATTER
On the Frabjous day, when the White Queen once again wears the crown, again. On that day, I’ll Futterwacken... Vigorously.
[They glare at each other like estranged brothers.The Hare/House taps March Hare on the shoulder again.]
MARCH HARE
What? The Knave! Hide her!
[Cheshire Cat disappears. Hatter picks up a small bottle.]
MAD HATTER
Drink this.
ALICE
Oh no...
[They force the liquid down her. She shrinks to six inches high. They shove her into the teapot and cram her now overlarge clothes in behind her. The Hatter closes the lid.]
MAD HATTER
Mind your head.
INT. THE TEAPOT - DAY
[It’s dim inside, except for a stream of light from the spout.]
EXT. THE TEA PARTY - DAY
[The Hatter does a headstand in his chair. Mally climbs into a soup tureen. The Hare lays on the table. Following his nose, Bloodhound leads Stayne and two RED KNIGHTS in.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Well, if it’s not my favorite trio of lunatics.
MARCH HARE
You’re all late for tea!
[The March Hare throws a teapot at them.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS
We’re looking for the girl called Alice.
[Bayard sniffs around the table.]
MAD HATTER
Speaking of the Queen...here’s a song we used to sing in her honor.
HARE/HATTER/MALLY
Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat!
How I wonder where you’re at!
[Stayne grabs the Hatter around the neck. Knight #1 cracks Hare with his weapon. Knight #2 pours hot tea on the Dormouse’s head.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS
If you’re hiding her, you’ll lose your heads.
MAD HATTER
Already lost them. All sing together.
HARE/HATTER/MALLY
Up Above the World you fly,
Like a tea tray in the sky.
[They all laugh crazily.]
INT. THE TEAPOT - ALICE’S POV
[Alice peeks out the spout. Hare, Hatter and Mally sing on despite being hit, choked and dunked.]
HARE/HATTER/MALLY
Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle!
[The Bloodhound puts its paws on the table, sniffing Alice’s teapot. The Hatter takes a chance. He whispers to him.]
MAD HATTER
Downal with Bloody Behg Hid.
[Bayard stops dead. Hatter shoots a look at the teapot. Bayard drops to the ground and sniffs, pretending to catch a new trail.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Follow the Bloodhound.
[The Knights go off. Stayne lingers suspiciously.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS
You’re all mad.
[Hare/Hatter/Mally laugh hysterically. The Knave goes off. The Hare and Mally stop laughing, but the Hatter’s laughter goes on...and on.]
MALLY
Hatter!
[He jerks and drags himself back from the edge of hysteria.]
MAD HATTER
I’m fine. Really, I’m fine.
EXT. THE TEA PARTY - DAY
[He lifts the teapot lid, but closes it again.]
MAD HATTER
Sorry... one moment...
[He takes a pair of milliner’s scissors from his pocket and quickly whips up a miniature ensemble for Alice out of the tea cozy, a doily and a swatch of her old dress. He lifts the lid again and hands it to her.]
MAD HATTER
Try this on for size.
[He closes the lid again to give her privacy. In a moment, there’s a tiny knock on the lid. He opens it and helps her out in her remade clothes.]
MAD HATTER
Hum... Sorry, it’s the best I could do I’m afraid. Not half bad.
MALLY
Good thing the Bloodhound is one of us or you’d be...
[She draws her finger across her throat ominously.]
MARCH HARE
Best take her to Marmoreal. She’ll be safe with the White Queen.
ALICE
Can she help me wake up?
MAD HATTER
If she doesn’t put you to sleep.
[He sweeps his hat off and puts it on the table.]
MAD HATTER
Your carriage, m’ lady.
ALICE
The hat?
MAD HATTER
Anyone can go by horse or rail. But the absolute best way to travel is by Hat. Oohh... I’ve just made a rhyme.
[Alice sits on it, nervous and unsure, of the Hat and the Hatter. The Dormouse sits on it too, shoving Alice over.]
MAD HATTER
Sorry, Mally... Just Alice.
[She climbs off, annoyed. The Hatter puts his hat on.]
MAD HATTER
Fairfarren all!
[They start off. Mally watches them go jealously.]
MARCH HARE
But you haven’t had your tea!
MAD HATTER
Mind your head.
[A teapot hurtles toward them. Alice ducks.]
EXT. THE TULGEY WOODS - TRAVELING BY HAT
[Alice hangs on tight as the Hatter walks at a jaunty pace.]
MAD HATTER
‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogroves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
[She hops down to his shoulder.]
ALICE
Sorry? What was that?
MAD HATTER
Sorry? What was what?
The Jabberwock with eyes of flame.
Jaws that bite.
And claws that catch.
Beware the Jabberwock, my son.
And the frumious Bandersnatch.
He took his vorpal sword in hand.
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack.
He left it dead, and with its head.
He went galumping back.
It’s all about you, you know...
ALICE
I’m not slaying anything. I don’t slay. So put it out of your mind.
MAD HATTER
Mmm...mind.
[He drops her to the ground and walks on. She follows.]
ALICE
Wait. You can’t leave me here!
MAD HATTER
You don’t slay... Do you have any idea what the Red Queen has done?
(mimicking her)
You “don’t slay”.
ALICE
I couldn’t if I wanted to.
MAD HATTER
(accusing)
You’re not the same as you were before. You were much more...much more muchier...you’ve lost your muchness.
ALICE
My muchness?
[He pokes her in the stomach with his finger.]
MAD HATTER
In there. Something’s missing.
[He walks away again. She frowns, then runs after him.]
ALICE
Tell me what Red Queen has done.
MAD HATTER
It’s not a pretty story.
ALICE
Tell me anyway.
[He picks her up, plunks her back on his shoulder and pushes through the foliage which becomes blackened and twisted.]
EXT. THE TULGEY WOOD - ON THE BLACKENED PLACE ---
[They come to a place where the ground is scorched and barren. His voice goes hoarse with emotion as he begins the tale.]
MAD HATTER
I was Hatter to the Queen at the time. The Hightopp clan have always been employed at court.
[His narration fades and WE SEE the story unfold.]
EXT. THE TULGEY WOOD - HORUNVENDUSH DAY ---
[The Hatter stands with his clan: the Hightopps. Every one, adults and children, wear top hats. The mood is festive. The White Queen sits on her white horse with other members of her court, including the White Rabbit, March Hare, Cheshire Cat. The White Knight holds the shining Vorpal Sword. The woods turn dark as enormous leathery wings block the sun. Faces fill with awe as they watch the fearsome creature. The Knight, stunned by its magnitude, drops the sword and flees. Panic ensues. People run as the Jabberwocky shoots fire at them. The Queen’s horse rears. The Hatter grabs the reins and leads her to safety. He looks back. White Rabbit helps others escape. The March Hare looks up, shocked into paralysis. The Cheshire Cat hovers near to the Hightopp clan who stand together to protect the children. But as the Jabberwocky descends upon them, the Cat disappears. The Knave picks up the fallen Sword. He lifts it victoriously and the Jabberwocky retreats. A moment later, the Hatter returns to the scene, face filled with shock and horror at the place where his clan took their stand. The earth still smolders. Only one burned and trampled Hat remains. He tosses his own hat away, picks up the burned one, brushes the soot off and places it firmly on his head.]
EXT. THE WOODS - ALICE AND THE HATTER ---
[Alice is deeply moved. She looks up at the scorched Hat he still wears, then to his tormented face. He twitches, driven to the edge of madness by guilt, helpless rage and deep loss.]
ALICE
Hatter? Hatter!
[He jerks and pulls himself back from the abyss.]
MAD HATTER
I’m fine. Just fine Really.
ALICE
Are you?
MAD HATTER
Did you hear that? I’m certain I heard something.
ALICE
(nervously)
Voices?
[He looks back at the dark woods.]
MAD HATTER
Red Knights!
[They hear the BAY of the bloodhound. He puts Alice into his breast pocket and runs.]
EXT. THE TULGEY WOOD - DUSK
[The Hatter dodges trees and leaps over stumps. He sees the edge of the woods ahead. But there’s a flash of RED through the trees. He turns. A Red Knight steps out. He turns the other way, another Red Knight. They’re surrounded. Eyeing them warily, he whispers to Alice.]
MAD HATTER
Go south to Trottler’s Bottom. The White Queen’s castle is just beyond.
[The Hatter sweeps his hat off as if in a conciliatory gesture to the approaching Knights. He whispers to Alice.]
MAD HATTER
Jump on the hat. Now.
[She takes a leap onto the Hat. The Hatter flings his arms wide, sending the Hat and Alice sailing over the treetops.]
MAD HATTER
DOWN WITH THE BLOODY RED QUEEN!
[She clings to the brim of the Hat as it sails out of the woods.]
EXT. THE EDGE OF TULGEY WOOD - SUNSET ---
[The Hat lands in the soft grass on the other side of a brook. Alice looks back at the forest, and then south toward gently rolling hills. It’s getting dark and there are strange night sounds out there. She slips under the relative safety of the hat for the night.]
INT. UNDER THE HAT - THE NEXT MORNING ---
[Alice wakens to the SOUND OF SOMETHING LARGE SNIFFING outside the hat. She sits up. Suddenly, the Hat is flipped over, exposing her. She closes eyes for the end. A BIG WET NOSE sniffs her. She opens her eyes. It’s the Bloodhound, BAYARD.]
ALICE
You were supposed to lead them away! The Hatter trusted you!
BAYARD
They have my wife and pups.
[That information does little to lessen her anger.]
ALICE
What’s your name?
BAYARD
Bayard.
ALICE
Sit!
[He cocks his head and looks down at her curiously.]
ALICE
Sit!
[He sits, amused if nothing else. Something occurs to him.]
BAYARD
Would your name be “Alice” by any chance?
ALICE
Yes, but I’m not that one.
BAYARD
The Hatter would not have given himself up for just any Alice.
ALICE
Where did they take him?
BAYARD
To the Red Queen’s castle at Salazun Grum.
[She looks at his worn hat, remembering the pain in his eyes.]
ALICE
We’re going to rescue him.
BAYARD
That is not foretold.
ALICE
I don’t care. He wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for me.
BAYARD
The Frabjous Day is almost upon us. You must prepare to meet the Jabberwocky.
ALICE
Since the moment I fell down that rabbit hole, I’ve been told what I must do and who I must be. I’ve been shrunk, stretched, scratched and stuffed into a teapot. I’ve been accused of being Alice and of not being Alice. But this is my dream! I’ll decide how it goes from here.
BAYARD
If you diverge from the path...
ALICE
I make the path!
[She’s so commanding, he lies down at her feet. She climbs up his long ear and sits on his shoulders.]
ALICE
Take me to Salazen Grum, Bayard. And don’t forget the Hat.
[Bayard picks up the Hat in his teeth and runs. Alice hangs onto his spiked collar to keep her seat.]
EXT. GUMMER SLOUGH - DAY ---
[Bayard wades through viscous red mud with Alice on his back. He holds his head high to keep the Hat out of the mud.]
EXT. CRIMS - DAY ---
[Bayard races across the red desert to Salazen Grum and the dark castle that sits on the tempestuous shore.]
EXT. SALAZEN GRUM - CASTLE OF THE RED QUEEN ---
[The walls are high and foreboding with a surrounding moat.]
EXT. THE CASTLE WALLS - DAY ---
[They approach the moat and they see large lumpish objects which appear to be the heads of the executed. They look around for a way across.]
BAYARD
There’s only one way across.
[Alice looks at the grim moat. She takes a deep breath for courage.]
ALICE
Lost my muchness have I?
EXT. THE GRIM MOAT - DAY ---
[She jumps onto one of the floating heads, then crosses the moat by jumping from head to head. Reaching the other side, she vomits onto the ground. She looks up at the impossibly high wall, then sees a small cracked opening near the ground...just wide enough for a six inch girl. She squeezes through it. In a moment, her head reappears. She calls across to Bayard.]
ALICE
Bayard! The Hat!
[He picks the Hat up in his teeth, turns in circles like a discus thrower and releases it. The Hat sails high across the moat and over the wall. Bayard BAYS his farewell.]
EXT. THE QUEEN’S GARDEN - THE BUSHES - DAY ---
[Alice finds herself in the bushes at the edge of a garden. She hears a loud WHACK, a small cry of pain, then cheers and laughter. She looks through the bushes.]
EXT. THE GREAT LAWN - DAY ---
[The Queen and her Courtiers play croquet. The Red Queen with her huge head is surrounded by three powdered and painted COURTIERS with equally out-sized body parts: a woman with an EXTRA-LARGE NOSE, another with LONG HANGING EARS, a man with a HUGE PROTRUDING BELLY. The Queen swings her mallet. There’s that small cry again. Alice looks around for the source. The ball rolls toward her and lays, furry and gasping, in the grass. It’s a HEDGEHOG tied by his four legs into an awkward ball. His fur is matted and filthy, his face buried in the grass. THWACK! He cries out as he’s hit again. The mallet is a miserable FLAMINGO tied by his feet. The hedgehog rolls to a stop near Alice. She attempts to untie him. He cries out fearfully.]
ALICE
Shhh. I want to help you.
RED QUEEN (O.S.)
Where’s my ball? Page!
[Alice frees the hedgehog. It stares at her mutely before stumbling into the foliage. Alice sees two large white furry feet. Her gaze travels up to McTwisp, dressed as a court page.]
EXT. THE BUSHES ---
[He looks down at tiny Alice.]
MCTWISP
Well! If it isn’t the wrong Alice. What brings you here, hmm?
ALICE
I’ve come for two reasons.
[She beckons him closer. He bends down. She punches him.]
ALICE
I’m going to rescue the Hatter.
MCTWISP
You’re not rescuing anyone being the size of a gerbil.
ALICE
Do you have any of that cake that made me grow before?
MCTWISP
Upelkuchen? Actually, I might have some left.
[He digs in his pocket and takes out a large piece of the cake. She takes it and shoves it into her mouth.]
MCTWISP
Not all of it!
[Too late. Alice shoots upward. Buttons fly off her torn garments, seams strain and give way.]
MCTWISP
Oh no, stop! Don’t do that!
[She grows right out of the shreds of her remaining clothes until she bursts through the bushes...stark raving nude.]
EXT. THE GREAT LAWN - DAY
[Alice looks down at the Red Queen and her courtiers. The tall bushes hide all but her head and shoulders. Everyone stares.]
RED QUEEN
And WHAT is this?
[McTwisp comes out, improvising like mad.]
MCTWISP
It’s a “who”, Majesty. This is...um
RED QUEEN
Um?
ALICE
From Umbridge.
RED QUEEN
What happened to your clothes?
ALICE
I outgrew them. I tower over everyone in Umbridge. They laugh at me. So I’ve come to you, hoping you might understand what it’s like.
RED QUEEN
My dear girl. Anyone with a head that large is welcome in my court.
[The courtiers with their equally out-size body parts laugh.]
RED QUEEN
SOMEONE FIND HER SOME CLOTHES! USE THE CURTAINS IF YOU MUST, BUT CLOTHE THIS ENORMOUS GIRL!
(to Alice)
You’ll be my new favorite.
[The Courtiers exchange competitive glances, especially LADY LONG EARS.]
INT. THE RED QUEEN’S CASTLE - GREAT HALL/51 THRONE ROOM - DAY ---
[Large Alice, clad in hastily constructed garments, proceeds with the Queen down the great hall toward the throne room. Along with the Footfrogs, MONKEYS hold up tables and chairs with their arms and heads. Exhausted BIRDS flap their wings to stay aloft with lamps hung from their beaks. The Queen plops down on her ORNATE THRONE. SPIDER MONKEYS serve as legs of the throne. They strain under the weight. The Queen kicks off her shoes.]
RED QUEEN
I need a pig here!
[A small pig hurries over and lays down belly up. She puts her feet on his belly and sighs.]
RED QUEEN
I love a warm pig belly for my aching feet.
(to Alice)
Would you like one, Um?
RED QUEEN
Sit!
[Alice sits, trying to keep her weight off the chair held up by monkeys. The Queen waves her hand at the three Courtiers.]
RED QUEEN
Go away.
[The Courtiers go out with dark jealous looks at Alice.]
RED QUEEN
Where are my Fatboys? You must meet them! Fatboys!
[The Tweedles come in. They’re bound together by a gold belt around their waists. Their faces have been painted and powdered with hearts on their cheeks and red heart lips. Their eyes are lowered, downtrodden.]
RED QUEEN
There they are! Aren’t they adorable? And they have the oddest way of speaking. Speak boys. Amuse us.
[She kicks Tweedledum.]
RED QUEEN
Speak!
[Dum lifts his eyes and sees Alice. He nudges Dee.]
TWEEDLEDUM
Is that being...?
[Alice lifts a finger to her lips.]
TWEEDLEDEE
No, it isn’t. Not a bit.
[But Tweedledum didn’t see Alice’s gesture.]
TWEEDLEDUM
Contrariwise, I believe it is so...
TWEEDLEDEE
No! It ain’t so. Nohow!
[He stomps on Dum’s foot to silence him. Dum pinches him. Dee pinches him back. The Queen laughs raucously.]
RED QUEEN
I love my Fatboys. Now get out.
[They go out. Stayne enters. The Queen blinks her eyes seductively at him. Stayne represses a shudder.]
RED QUEEN
There you are, Stayne. Any luck with the prisoner?
KNAVE OF HEARTS
He’s stubborn.
RED QUEEN
You’re too soft. Bring him!
[The Knights go off. Stayne notices Alice.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS
And who is this lovely creature?
[He takes Alice’s hand, looking at her intensely.]
RED QUEEN
Um, my new favorite.
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Does she have a name?
RED QUEEN
Um.
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Yes? Her name?
RED QUEEN
It’s Um!
KNAVE OF HEARTS
I believe your name has slipped the
Queen’s mind.
[She smacks him.]
RED QUEEN
Her name is UM, IDIOT!
[The Knave reacts with smoldering anger.]
ALICE
From Umbridge.
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Ilosovic Stayne, at your service.
[He kisses her hand. She pulls it away quickly. The guards drag the Hatter in, chained by hands and feet. The Queen lifts his head by his hair. Alice stifles a gasp. He’s been roughed up. His eyes have an empty far-away stare.]
RED QUEEN
We know Alice has returned to Underland. Do you know where she is?
[He doesn’t respond. She claps her hands in front of his face. Hatter jerks back to the moment, but doesn’t see Alice.]
MAD HATTER
I’ve been considering things that begin with the letter “m”: moron, mutiny, murder, mmmalice...
RED QUEEN
Were looking for an “A” word now. Where is Alice?
[He thinks hard, has an inspiration, changes his mind, reconsiders, mulls, then shrugs.]
MAD HATTER
Who? That wee little boy? I wouldn’t know.
RED QUEEN
What if I take off your head, will you know then?
[The Hatter laughs madly.]
RED QUEEN
Stop that.
[He laughs louder in her face. She slaps him. He keeps laughing, madly. The Queen makes a “loco” motion to the others. But when the Hatter sees Alice, the mad laughter stops. Surprised at her new size, he gives her a wry smile. He turns to the Queen, smarmy and unctuous.]
MAD HATTER
My, what a regrettably large head you have. I should very much like to hat it.
RED QUEEN
Hat it?
MAD HATTER
Yes, I used to hat the White Queen, you know, but there wasn’t very much for me to work with, poor dear. Her head is so small.
RED QUEEN
It’s tiny, it’s a pimple of a head.
MAD HATTER
But this... What I could do with this, monument, this orb. Nay, this magnificently heroic globe!
RED QUEEN
What could you do?
[He lifts his bound hands helplessly.]
RED QUEEN
Unbind him, Stayne! How can he work if his hands are bound?
[The Knave unbinds his hands. Hatter circles the Queen.]
MAD HATTER
Shall it be a bonnet or a boater, or something for the boudoir?
(growing manic)
A cloche, dunce hat, death cap, coif, snood, barboosh or pugree, , yarmulke, cockle-hat, pork-pie, tam o’shanter, billy-cock, bicorn, tricorn, bandeau, bongrace, fan-tail, night cap, garibaldi, fez...
[Alice pretends to sneeze.]
ALICE
Hatter!
[He jerks back to the moment.]
MAD HATTER
I’m fine. I’m fine.
RED QUEEN
(to Alice and Stayne)
Leave us.
[The Knave is suspicious of the Hatter. But his interest in Alice draws him away.]
INT. THE HALL ---
[He’s right behind Alice, breathing down her neck. She tries to move past him, but he grabs her arm with the wound. She cries out as he pushes her against the wall.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS
I like you, Um. I like largeness.
[He leans in for a kiss just as Lady Long Ears passes. She smiles and goes off.]
ALICE
Get away from me!
[She kicks him and runs. He glares after her.]
EXT. MARMOREAL - TROTTLER’S BOTTOM - DAY --- [Bayard crosses the bluffs and approaches the White Queen’s castle.]
INT. THE WHITE QUEEN’S COURTYARD - DAY ---
[MIRANA, THE WHITE QUEEN waits for Bayard as he staggers inside.]
WHITE QUEEN
What news, Bayard?
BAYARD
Alice has returned to Underland.
[A smile lights up the Queen’s soft lovely face.]
WHITE QUEEN
Where is she now?
BAYARD
In Salazun Grum. Forgive me, I allowed her to divert from her destined path.
WHITE QUEEN
But that is exactly where she will find the Vorpal Sword. We have our champion! Rest now. You’ve done well.
[Exhausted, he falls to the ground.]
EXT. THE RED QUEEN’S CASTLE - THE GARDEN ---
[Alice searches in the bushes, passing the HEDGEHOG who’s cleaning the caked dirt off his fur.]
ALICE
Ah.
[The HEDGEHOG watches Alice pick up the Hat. She wipes the mud off and straightens it out with loving care.]
INT. RED QUEEN’S BED CHAMBER - EVENING ---
[The Queen stands at the window.]
RED QUEEN
You must find Alice, Stayne. Without the Jabberwocky, my sister’s followers will surely rise against me.
(bitter)
My ugly little sister...why do they adore her and not me?
[Stayne comes up behind, but does not touch her.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS
I cannot fathom it. You are far superior in all ways.
RED QUEEN
I know. But Mirana can make anyone fall in love with her: men, women, even the furniture.
[She glances at the captive ANIMALS/FURNITURE.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Even the King.
[Her dark, bitter gaze travels down to the grim moat below.]
RED QUEEN
I had to do it. He would have left me.
KNAVE OF HEARTS
Majesty, isn’t it better to be feared than loved?
RED QUEEN
I’m not certain anymore. Oh, let her have the rabble! I don’t need them. I have you.
[She leans her large head back, her eyes big and dewy.]
RED QUEEN
I do have you, don’t I, Stayne?
[He manages a smile, but gives her no reply.]
INT. THE RED QUEEN’S DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT ---
[The Hatter hums as he works with ribbons, bows, veils and feathers. Alice enters a room full of huge, colorful hats.]
ALICE
They’re wonderful! You must let me try one on.
MAD HATTER
It’s good to be working at my trade again.
ALICE
It’s just a pity you had to make them for her.
[Realizing what he’s done, he’s suddenly filled with remorse and self-recrimination. His clothes “slump” as well.]
MAD HATTER
What’s the hatter with me? The hatter... Mmmmm. Mmmmm, ma, ma.
[Fury seizes him. He takes scissors and murderously attacks a hat, and proceeds to destroy the room]
ALICE
Stop! Stop!
[She takes his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her.]
ALICE
Hatter!
[Looking into his eyes, she can see the fear in them.]
MAD HATTER
Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk? I’m frightened. I don’t like it in here, terribly crowded. Have I gone mad?
[She feels his forehead, like her father did years ago.]
ALICE
I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret...all the best people are.
[He straightens his shoulders with pride. His clothes puff up.]
ALICE
Oh, look! Here’s another one.
[She picks up his hat from behind a box. It’s his very own Hightopp Hatter’s hat. His eyes fill with emotion to see it. She puts it on his head.]
ALICE
That’s better. You look yourself again.
[He’s too overwhelmed to speak. He takes it off and holds it to his heart with gratitude.]
RED QUEEN (O.S.)
Hat Man! Where are my hats? I am not a patient monarch!
[Her grating voice reminds him of his purpose.]
MAD HATTER
I’m told she keeps the Vorpal Sword hidden in the castle. Find it, Alice. Take it to the White Queen. Help us make the world right again.
[She glances at the long thick chain from his ankle to the wall and considers another use for the sword.]
ALICE
We’ll go to the White Queen together.
[He takes her hand. There’s a moment between them that might have been something more if it weren’t for her large size.]
MAD HATTER
Why is it you’re always too small or too tall?
(Alice smiles warmly at him)
INT. RED QUEEN’S CASTLE - UPSTAIRS HALL - NIGHT --
[Alice approaches the Tweedles who are stationed on either side of the Queen’s courtroom door.]
ALICE
Tweedles!
TWEEDLEDEE
Alice!
[They shake her hands vigorously.]
TWEEDLEDUM
Howdoyedo again.
ALICE
Where’s...?
TWEEDLEDEE
How is it you’re being so great big?
TWEEDLEDUM
She ain’t great big. This is how she normal is.
ALICE
Where’s the...?
TWEEDLEDUM
I’m certain she is smaller when we met.
TWEEDLEDEE
She drank the pishsalver to get through the door, recall it?
TWEEDLEDUM
Oh yeah.
[She puts her hands over their mouths.]
ALICE
Where’s the Rabbit?
TWEEDLES
OVER THERES!
[They point in opposite directions.]
INT. RED QUEEN’S CASTLE - A HALL - NIGHT --
[Alice follows the Tweedles. She sees the Dormouse, dressed as a chamber maid. She’s whispering with the White Rabbit.]
ALICE
What are you doing here?
MALLY
I’m rescuing the Hatter.
ALICE
I’m rescuing the Hatter. But you can help. He told me that the Vorpal Sword is hidden in the castle. That means someone must have seen it... a footfrog, a chamber mouse, a pigstool, someone! Ask them all! Go!
[The Tweedles go off. Mally and McTwisp remain.]
MALLY
I don’t take orders from big clumsy, galumphing...
[Alice looms over her. She points imperiously.]
ALICE
Shoo!
[Humiliated but outsized, Mally stalks off. The White Rabbit is still there.]
ALICE
What is it, McTwisp?
MCTWISP
I-I know where the Sword is.
EXT. THE STABLES - NIGHT
--
[They stand in front of the stables.]
MCTWISP
The Sword’s hidden inside.
[Alice opens the door. They both react to the stench.]
ALICE
I know that smell.
[She looks inside the stable.]
ON THE BANDERSNATCH - HER POV - NIGHT
[The Bandersnatch lays in his stall with his huge ugly head on his paws. He moans. The socket with the missing eye oozes blood. Alice gasps and closes the door. The White Rabbit ducks to avoid another hit.]
ALICE
I’m not going in there! Look what that
thing did to my arm.
She shows him the wound. It’s larger, very swollen. He gasps.
MCTWISP Dear oh dear! Why haven’t you mentioned th-this?
ALICE It wasn’t this bad before. He twitches, breathing fast, flapping his paws and faints.
Alice looks back at the door, considering.
INT. QUEEN’S CASTLE - UPSTAIRS HALL - NIGHT
Alice sees Mallymkun studying a decorative sword on the wall.
ALICE Mallymkun! Do you still have the Bandersnatch eye?
MALLY Right here. She hikes up her maid’s skirt to reveal her breeches beneath. The Bandersnatch eye is still at her waist. ALICE I need it. Alice tries to take it. The Dormouse swats her hand away.
MALLY )seining the hat pin)Come and get it.
ALICE I need that eye, Mally. Mallymkun draws her hatpin sword, brandishing it dangerously. THE DORMOUSE Come and get it. She’s much much smaller than Alice with a tiny weapon. Alice laughs. Mallymkun realizes the absurdity. THE DORMOUSE (CONT’D) Right. She tosses Alice the hatpin and takes the decorative sword from the wall. She runs at Alice with the huge sword. THE DORMOUSE AHHHHH! Alice sidesteps her attack, then tentatively stabs at her with the hatpin. The Tweedles arrive and coach Alice. TWEEDLEDUM Thrusting now! TWEEDLEDEE No, stabbing! TWEEDLEDUM Thrusting like this! 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 53. 61 CONTINUED: 61 (CONTINUED) He pokes him. Dee pokes him back. They go at it as the Dormouse and Alice fight. Alice steps...back...and back. They pass the Queen’s dressing room. 62 INT. THE DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT 62 The Hatter tries hats on the Queen with aloof disdain. She looks in her MIRRORS which are distorted to make her head appear normal-sized. She preens. Hatter looks up to see Alice losing in swordplay to the Dormouse. In a moment, the battling Tweedles pass by as well. 63 INT. THE HALL - NIGHT 63 Mallymkun stands on a bureau with Alice up against the wall. Alice ducks as the sword swishes over her head. Alice sees her moment and slices the thin rope at Mally’s waist which holds the eye. It drops into her hand. ALICE Ha! She runs with it. Mallymkun doesn’t give chase. 64 INT. THE DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT 64 Mallymkun shakes her head at the Hatter as if to say Alice is a hopeless case. 65 INT. BANDERSNATCH STABLE - NIGHT 65 Alice approaches the Bandersnatch. He growls. ALICE I have your eye. She holds it up. Seeing his lost eye, the Bandersnatch whines. Alice slowly lifts the bar to open the stall door and eases inside. 66 INT. THE BANDERSNATCH STALL - NIGHT 66 She holds the eye up. He growls. She puts it on the ground near him. He sniffs it, whines, and pulls it closer with his paws. While he’s distracted, Alice goes to the back of the stall. She sees a chest covered by a tarp. She removes the tarp to reveal an ornate metal chest secured with a large lock. Disheartened and feverish, Alice slumps to the ground. 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 54. 61 CONTINUED: (2) 61 (CONTINUED) She pulls her sleeve back to look at the swollen, infected wound on her arm. She touches it, stifles a cry of pain. She glances at the Bandersnatch, still busy with his eye. Sweating and shivering, she pulls at the lock. But her vision goes dim. She blinks, shaking her head. And the world goes black. 67 INT. THE HALL - MORNING 67 BIG NOSE WOMAN and BIG BELLY MAN walk silently to the Queen’s dressing room. They fidget as if they’re very uncomfortable. 68 INT. QUEEN’S DRESSING ROOM - CONTINUOUS 68 Once inside, they smile, gasp and flatter. BIG BELLY MAN You are stunning in that hat! The Hatter takes it off and dumps a large brimmed hat on her that covers half her face. BIG NOSE WOMAN Your Majesty has never looked better. Her NOSE falls off and lands on the Queen’s shoulder. The Hatter picks it up curiously. MAD HATTER It smells like you’ve dropped * something. The woman feels for her nose which is still there but normal sized. She gasps, grabs the fake and turns away quickly. The Hatter’s eyes narrow suspiciously. He can see straps above BIG BELLY MAN’S pants which hold his protruding belly in place. The woman turns back with her long nose reattached. Hatter laughs out loud, not a mad laugh but with genuine amusement. They look at him. RED QUEEN Never mind him. He’s mad. Lady Long-Ears rushes in and whispers into the Queen’s ear. RED QUEEN (CONT’D) STAYNE! 69 INT. BANDERSNATCH STABLES - DAY 69 Alice wakes up. The Bandersnatch looms over her. He’s managed to shove the eye back into its socket. It stares upwards uselessly. 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 55. 66 CONTINUED: 66 (CONTINUED) But he seems to feel better for having it back in place. She notices a large key on a chain hung around his neck. The key to the lock. She reaches for it. The Bandersnatch sniffs her arm and the wound he inflicted. She winces but will not be deterred. She pulls the key off. The Bandersnatch gently licks the wound. His tongue is soothing. She sighs and allows him to lick the wound clean. She looks at it. Miraculously, the infection is gone and the swelling is down. She moves it around. No pain. The Bandersnatch looks at her, one eye askew. ALICE I suppose you think this makes us even now. Alice fits the key into the lock on the chest and opens it. She lifts the Vorpal Sword. It’s made of shining silver with an ornate handle. She holds it up to the light. There are runes engraved on the blade. She carries it out of the stall, glancing back at the Bandersnatch before going out. 70 INT. RED QUEEN’S GREAT HALL - DAY 70 The Knave is on his knees before the Queen, talking fast. KNAVE OF HEARTS Um forced herself on me. I told her my heart belongs to you. But she’s obsessed with me. The Queen goes bright red with rage. RED QUEEN Off with her head! 71 INT. RED QUEEN’S DRESSING ROOM - DAY 71 The Dormouse tries to pick the lock to the chain around Hatter’s ankle with her hatpin. ALICE (O.S.) Stand back, Mallymkun. The Dormouse and the Hatter look up to see Alice victoriously holding the Vorpal Sword high over her head. ALICE How’s this for “muchness”? She brings the sword toward the chain. 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 56. 69 CONTINUED: 69 (CONTINUED) MAD HATTER Stop! It mustn’t be used for anything but... Stayne strides in with his Knights. He points to Alice. KNAVE OF HEARTS Arrest that girl for unlawful seduction. THE DORMOUSE Hatter! She tosses the Hatter the decorative sword from the hall. He fights with Stayne. Hatter is formidable even chained. Mally stabs the Knights with her hatpin. Alice swings the Sword. MAD HATTER No! Take it to the White Queen! ALICE I’m not leaving without you! THE DORMOUSE Alice! Go! Stayne stops dead. He looks at her with sudden revelation. KNAVE OF HEARTS Alice? HATTER/DORMOUSE RUN! She runs. KNAVE OF HEARTS SEIZE HER! 72 EXT. THE RED QUEEN’S CASTLE - DAY 72 She bursts out the back. Stayne and the Knights just behind. She runs, dodging Knights. But they manage to surround her. She swings the sword to keep them back. KNAVE OF HEARTS Alice. Of course! Why didn’t I see it? Well, it has been a long time. And you were such a little tyke then. Give me the Sword. 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 57. 71 CONTINUED: 71 (CONTINUED) ALICE Stay back! He distracts her as two Knights come up behind. KNAVE OF HEARTS The Queen will be so pleased. She’ll take great pleasure in taking off your head. I believe she wants to do the deed herself. As the Knights grab her there’s a deep THUNDEROUS GROWL. The Bandersnatch runs at them, biting and snapping. They release Alice and back away. The Bandersnatch lowers his head for her to climb onto his back. Stayne and the Knights astonished. ALICE Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid! 73 EXT. THE DRAWBRIDGE - DAY 73 Alice and the Bandersnatch approach the open drawbridge. The Knights abandon their post. They pound across. 74 EXT. CRIMS - DAY 74 Bayard waits on nearby hill. He sees the Bandersnatch with Alice on its back. He runs out to meet them. BLOODHOUND Ho, Alice! ALICE Bayard! To Marmoreal! 75 EXT. WHITE QUEEN’S CASTLE - DAY 75 Bayard leads Alice and the Bandersnatch toward the White Queen’s Castle. The drawbridge lowers for them. 76 INT. WHITE QUEEN’S THRONE ROOM - DAY 76 The White Queen’s castle is light and airy in contrast to the oppression of her sister’s. She sits on her throne. The WHITE KNIGHT’S suit of armor stands in a prominent position. Alice enters carrying the Vorpal Sword. WHITE QUEEN Welcome to Marmoreal. 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 58. 72 CONTINUED: 72 (CONTINUED) Alice bows and offers her the Vorpal sword. The White Queen nods her thanks. She places the Sword in the hand of the standing suit of silver armor. WHITE QUEEN The Vorpal Sword is home again. The armor is complete. Now all we need is a champion. She looks at Alice significantly. Alice drops her eyes. WHITE QUEEN You’re a little taller than I thought you’d be. ALICE Blame it on too much Upelkuchen. WHITE QUEEN Come with me. 77 INT. THE WHITE QUEEN’S KITCHEN - DAY - LATER 77 As they enter, a pepper mill flies across the room and hits the wall behind them. ALICE Is the March Hare around? MARCH HARE You’re late for soup! He picks up a whole pot of soup and throws it. It hits the wall. Alice takes a finger to the wall for a taste. ALICE Could use salt. A salt shaker comes flying at her. She catches it and “salts” the wall. She tastes it again and kisses her fingers in a gesture of perfection. The White Queen prepares Pishalver in a pot on the stove, taking ingredients from a cupboard filled with an admixture of herbs, spices, flour, sugar, insects, shriveled fingers, eyeballs, and other odious things. WHITE QUEEN Pishalver. Let me think. Two cups grape juice,, a pinch of wormfat... 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 59. 76 CONTINUED: 76 (MORE) (CONTINUED) My mother taught me how to concoct all the medicinal cures and transformational potions, a teaspoon vanilla...urine of the horsefly, buttered fingers... ...My sister preferred to study Dominion Over Living Things. Tell me, how does she seem to you? ALICE Perfectly horrid. WHITE QUEEN She wasn’t always that way. Well, maybe she was. And her head? ALICE Bulbous, bloated, like a blimp. WHITE QUEEN I think she may have some kind of growth in there...something pressing on her brain. ...three coins from a dead man’s pocket, two tablespoons of Wishful Thinking... ALICE You can’t imagine the things that go on in that place. WHITE QUEEN Oh yes, I can. But when a champion steps forth to slay the Jabberwocky, the people will rise against her. (she spits into it) That should do it. She dips a tiny spoon into the pot and offers it to Alice. WHITE QUEEN (CONT’D) Blow. Alice blows, takes a sip and shrinks to her normal size. WHITE QUEEN (CONT’D) Feel better? ALICE Much. Thank you. 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 60. 77 CONTINUED: 77 WHITE QUEEN (cont'd) (CONTINUED) WHITE QUEEN There’s someone here who would like to speak with you. 78 INT. THE RED QUEEN’S GREAT HALL/THRONE ROOM - DAY 78 KNAVE OF HEARTS Majesty, Alice has escaped. The Queen is so angry she slaps him. KNAVE OF HEARTS On the Bandersnatch. She slaps him again. KNAVE OF HEARTS With the Vorpal Sword. She slaps him yet again. He grits his teeth. RED QUEEN How could you let this happen? KNAVE OF HEARTS I may have underestimated her. But we have her conspirators. The Hatter and a Dormouse. RED QUEEN Off with their heads! 79 INT. THE RED QUEEN’S DUNGEON - NIGHT 79 A FEMALE BLOODHOUND, BIELLE, paces her cell as her pups shiver in the corner. 80 INT. THE RED QUEEN’S DUNGEON/HATTER’S CELL - NIGHT 80 Hatter’s slumped on the floor, staring off into space, Mallymkun’s in a large bird cage hung from the ceiling. Stayne arrives with his Red Knights. KNAVE OF HEARTS Hatter! No response. A Knight prods him with his truncheon. A KNIGHT He’s ‘round the bend. 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 61. 77 CONTINUED: (2) 77 (CONTINUED) KNAVE OF HEARTS Pity. It’s a bore to behead a madman. No weeping, no begging... FEMALE BLOODHOUND Why are you keeping us here? We’ve done nothing wrong! KNAVE OF HEARTS Blame your husband. He left you here to rot. FEMALE BLOODHOUND You lie! She leaps at the bars snarling. He jumps back. The Hatter instantly has his arm around Stayne’s neck, squeezing. His men try to break the Hatter’s grip. But the madness is in his eyes and he feels no pain. Finally, the Knights free Stayne. He staggers back, gasping. KNAVE OF HEARTS Your head comes off at dawn! And that one too! He points to the Dormouse. The Hatter turns conciliatory. MAD HATTER Oh, come come. It’s such a small * insignificant little head. Hardly * seems worth the effort. Why don’t you let her go? I’ll give you an entertaining execution. I’ll beg. I’ll grovel. Weep, etcetera. * But Mallymkun’s not about to be saved. THE DORMOUSE Down with Bloody Big Head! She throws her hatpin sword at the Knave. It sticks into his shoulder. He gasps and pulls it out, then forces a smile. KNAVE OF HEARTS Have a pleasant night. 81 EXT. THE WHITE QUEEN’S TOPIARY GARDEN - NIGHT 81 Alice sees a tell-tale plume of smoke coming from a topiary mushroom. ALICE Absolem? 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 62. 80 CONTINUED: 80 (CONTINUED) THE CATERPILLAR Who are you? ALICE I thought we’d settled this. I’m Alice...but not that one. THE CATERPILLAR How do you know? He blows smoke in her face. She coughs and waves it away. ALICE You said so yourself. THE CATERPILLAR I said you were Not Hardly Alice. But you’re much more her now. In fact, you’re Almost Alice. ALICE Even so, I couldn’t slay the Jabberwocky if my life depended on it. THE CATERPILLAR It will. So I suggest you keep the Vorpal Sword on hand when the Frabjous Day arrives. She abruptly pokes him with her finger. THE CATERPILLAR No touching! There’s no touching! ALICE You seem so real. Sometimes, I forget that this is all a dream. He blows smoke at her again. ALICE Stop doing that! He chuckles and his whole body jiggles like green jelly. He keeps chuckling as he obliterates himself from view. 82 INT. THE RED QUEEN’S DUNGEON - NIGHT 82 The Hatter cleans his hat and tries to get his “sad” clothes to perk up. The Cheshire Cat appears outside the bars. 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 63. 81 CONTINUED: 81 (CONTINUED) CHESHIRE CAT I’ve always admired that hat. MAD HATTER Hello, Chess. CHESHIRE CAT Since you won’t be needing it any more, would you consider bequeathing it to me? MAD HATTER It’s a formal execution. I want to look my best. CHESHIRE CAT It’s a pity about all this. I was looking forward to seeing you Futterwacken. MAD HATTER I was rather good at it. The Cat re-materializes in the cell with the Hatter. CHESHIRE CAT (CONT’D) I really do love that hat. I would wear it to all the finest occasions. 83 EXT. THE RED QUEEN’S COURTYARD - DAWN 83 The Hatter and the Dormouse walk toward the executioner with their heads down. The Tweedles and the White Rabbit blend in with the crowd. The Queen and Stayne watch from a balcony. 84 THE BEHEADING PLATFORM 84 The Hatter and Dormouse stand on the platform. The Hatter steps forward, pushing Dormouse behind him. The Executioner attempts to take off his hat. He mumbles. THE HATTER I want to keep it on. EXECUTIONER Suit yourself. As long as I can get at your neck. The Hatter places his neck on the beheading stone. THE DORMOUSE I’ll be right behind you. The White Rabbit covers his eyes. WHITE RABBIT I can’t watch. The Executioner raises his sword. All is quiet. The sword comes down. But the accused’s body disappears. The Queen and Stayne gasp. The sword hits the stone, jarring the executioner. The Tweedles stare in disbelief. TWEEDLEDEE It’s gone. The Rabbit still hasn’t looked. WHITE RABBIT He was such a fine fellow. TWEEDLEDUM Look! The Rabbit looks up to see the floating head with no body attached. EXECUTIONER I can’t behead nobody if there’s no body! The Cheshire Cat’s disembodied head wearing the Hat floats upright and hovers in the air. Good morning, everyone. He grins. THE DORMOUSE Chess, you dog! He winks at her. Hatter appears from behind the Red Queen's chair as she gasps in surprise and turns to him. MAD HATTER Madam, you are being heinously bamboozled by these lickspittle toadies you surround yourselves with! Stayne then runs towards Hatter. He tugs on Lady Long Ear’s ear. It comes off in his hand and falls to the ground as we hear his tell-tale laugh. Long Ears screams. The Hatter holds the long dangling ear up. RED QUEEN What is that? LADY LONG EARS I’m not the only one, Majesty. Look! 84 CONTINUED: 84 (CONTINUED) She grabs Big Nose Woman’s nose and pulls. It comes off revealing her real nose beneath. BIG BELLY MAN A counterfeit nose! You should be ashamed! BIG NOSE WOMAN Me? What about that big belly you’re so proud of? BIg Belly Man gasps. Big Chin Man's chin falls off. Big Chin Man pulls off Big Boob Woman's fake boobs. RED QUEEN Liars! Cheats! Falsifiers! Off with their heads! MAD HATTER To the abused and enslaved of the Red Queen’s court. All of you, stand up and fight! Rise up against the bloody Red Queen! Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid! A FROG holding a tray of tarts tosses them into the air. Other animals throw off their bonds and take up the slogan. VARIOUS ANIMALS Downal wyth Bluddy Behg Hid! RED QUEEN Release the JUBJUB BIRD! There’s a bloodcurdling SCREECH as the JubJub Bird swoops down. He strafes the panicked onlookers indiscriminately. The Queen watches with a vengeful smile. RED QUEEN You’re right, Stayne. It is far better to be feared than loved. Prepare the Jabberwocky for battle. We’re going to visit my little sister. 85 ON THE HATTER ET AL. 85 The Hatter, the Dormouse, the White Rabbit, the March Hare, and Tweedles gather to escape. 86 INT. THE WHITE QUEEN’S CASTLE - PARAPET - EVENING 86 The White Queen, Alice and Bayard stand on the castle walls. WHITE QUEEN I had hoped to have a champion by now. 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 66. 84 CONTINUED: (2) 84 (CONTINUED) ALICE Why don’t you slay the Jabberwocky yourself? You must have the power. WHITE QUEEN In the healing arts. It is against my vows to bring harm to any living thing. She glances down to see an UGLY bug near her shoe. She shudders and secretly squashes it. Then, she lifts the spy glass and sees something in the distance. WHITE QUEEN We have company. She gives the spyglass to Alice. 87 HER POV - ON THE BLUFFS 87 The Hatter, the Dormouse, the White Rabbit, and Tweedles appear over the rise. 88 THE WHITE QUEEN’S PARAPET 88 Alice hands the spyglass to Bayard. ALICE Bayard. Have a look. He looks through. 89 ON THE GROUP - HIS POV 89 His wife and pups run with the others. He’s overwhelmed. THE BLOODHOUND Bielle. 90 EXT. WHITE QUEEN’S CASTLE - COURTYARD - LATER 90 The group enters the castle. Bayard, Bielle and their pups leap, whine and nuzzle each other joyfully. Alice runs to greet the Hatter. His clothes are “bright” and happy. ALICE I’m so happy to see you! I thought they were going to... MAD HATTER (manic/enthusiastic) So did I. But they didn’t. 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 67. 86 CONTINUED: 86 (MORE) (CONTINUED) Here I am...still in one piece...and I’m rather glad about that now that I’m seeing you again...I would have regretted not seeing you again...especially now that you’re the proper size...it’s a good size...just right, in fact...a right proper Alice size... ALICE Hatter. He jerks and comes back to himself. MAD HATTER I’m fine. ALICE Where’s your hat? The Hat materializes in the air worn by the Cheshire Cat. ALICE (CONT’D) Chessur? CHESHIRE CAT How’s the arm, luv? ALICE All healed. The Hatter holds out his hand for the Hat. Chess returns it reluctantly. CHESHIRE CAT Good-bye, sweet Hat. 91 EXT. THE PARAPETS - THAT NIGHT 91 The Hatter sits with Alice on top of a high tower. MAD HATTER Why is a raven like a writing desk? ALICE A riddle! This will be fun. Let me think about it. MAD HATTER You do know what tomorrow is. 10/28/08 Blue Revised Pages 68. 90 CONTINUED: 90 MAD HATTER (cont'd) (CONTINUED) ALICE The Frabjous day. How could I forget? Oh, I wish I’d wake up! MAD HATTER You still think this is a dream? ALICE Well, it can’t possibly be real. This has all come from my own mind. MAD HATTER Which would mean that I’m not real. ALICE No, I’m sorry to say. You’re just a figment of my imagination. I would dream up someone who’s half-mad. MAD HATTER But you’d have to be half-mad to dream me up.
ALICE I must be then.
[They lean against each other, secure in the comfort of their own mutual madness.]
ALICE I give up. Why is a raven like a writing desk?
MAD HATTER I haven’t the slightest idea.
ALICE (amused) I’ll miss you when I wake up.
INT. THE WHITE QUEEN’S COURTYARD - DAWN - THE FRABJOUS DAY
McTwisp blows his trumpet.
MCTWISP Who will step forth to be champion for the White Queen?
[The Hatter steps forward valiantly.]
MAD HATTER That would be I!
CHESHIRE CAT
You have very poor evaporating skills.
I should be the one.
TWEEDLEDUM No, me!
[Dee pushes Dum behind him.]
TWEEDLEDEE No, me!
[McTwisp holds up the Oraculum and the illustration of Alice slaying the Jabberwocky. Everyone falls quiet.]
TWEEDLEDUM No other slayer, nohow.
TWEEDLEDEE If it ain’t Alice, it ain’t dead.
[All eyes turn to Alice. The feeling is not unlike the pressure of that moment under the gazebo.]
WHITE QUEEN Alice, you cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours because when you step out to face that creature, you will step out alone.
[Overwhelmed, she runs.]
EXT. THE TOPIARY GARDEN - LATER
[Alice falls onto a garden bench and weeps.]
ABSOLEM Nothing was ever accomplished with tears.
ALICE Absolem?
ABSOLEM [hanging upside down on a leaf, spinning a chrysalis.]
ALICE Why are you upside down?
ABSOLEM I’ve come to the end of this life.
ALICE You’re going to die?
ABSOLEM Transform.
[The chrysalis begins to cover his body.]
ALICE Don’t go. I need your help. I don’t know what to do!
ABSOLEM I can’t help you if you don’t even know who you are, stupid girl.
ALICE I’m not stupid! My name is Alice. I live in London. I have a mother named Helen and a sister named Margaret. My father was Charles Kingsley. He had a vision that stretched half-way around the world and nothing ever stopped him. He would have liked it here. (with revelation) I’m his daughter. I’m Alice Kingsleigh.
ABSOLEM Alice... at last! You were just as dimwitted the first time you were here. You called it Wonderland as I recall...
[The name stirs a distant memory.]
ALICE Wonderland.
INT./EXT. ALICE’S DREAM
[Her dream comes flooding back. She’s Young Alice in Wonderland; Young Alice in the Room of Doors; Young Alice with the Cheshire Cat; Young Alice at the Mad Tea party; Young Alice with the Red Queen and Playing Cards painting the roses red, Young Alice with Absolem.]
EXT. THE TOPIARY GARDEN
ALICE It wasn’t a dream at all. It was a memory! This place is real! And so are you. And so is the Hatter.
[Her heart leaps at that last thought.]
ABSOLEM And the Jabberwocky. Remember, the Vorpal Sword knows what it wants. All you have to do is hold on to it. Fairfarren, Alice. Perhaps, I will see you in another life.
[He disappears inside the green chrysalis.]
EXT. CRIMS - DAY The Red Queen rides a black steed, Ilosovic Stayne at her side. Behind them, the Red Queen’s Army marches steadily across the red desert. The JubJub flies ahead. A monstrous winged shadow soars above.
EXT. THE WHITE QUEEN’S CASTLE
[Everyone has gathered just outside the castle walls. They wait nervously for Alice to make her decision. The Bandersnatch lopes out, a White Knight astride him, her blonde hair hangs down the back of the shining armor. She holds the Vorpal sword high. A rousing cheer rises up. But the cheer fades as they feel a shadow pass overhead.]
MARCH HARE It’s coming! Look up!
But Alice is undaunted.
ALICE To the Tulgey Wood!
EXT. THE TULGEY WOOD - A CLEARING - DAY
[The White Queen and her allies meet the Red Queen and her army at the same clearing in the wood. It is set up like a huge chess board]
WHITE QUEEN Hello, Iracebeth.
RED QUEEN Mirana.
McTwisp blows his trumpet.
MCTWISP On this the Frabjous Day, the Queens, Red and White shall send forth their champions to do battle on their behalf.
WHITE QUEEN Oh ‘Racie...
[The Red Queen’s eyes soften to hear her childhood nickname.]
WHITE QUEEN We don’t have to fight.
[The Red Queen’s eyes narrow suspiciously.]
RED QUEEN I know what you’re doing. You think you can blink those pretty little eyes, and I’ll melt just like Mummy and Daddy did.
WHITE QUEEN Just give me my Crown.
RED QUEEN It’s my crown! I’m the eldest! JABBERWOCKY!
[Behind her, a dark form rises. The March Hare twitches uncontrollably.]
MARCH HARE Look up! It’s here! Look up!
[Jabberwocky’s vast wingspan darkens the clearing. He swings his reptilian head, whips his pronged tail, extends one deadly claw and adjusts his vest.
Alice can barely contain her fear.
ALICE But this is impossible.
MAD HATTER Only if you believe it is.
[His words spark a memory of her father.]
ALICE “Sometimes I believe as many as six impossible things before breakfast”.
MAD HATTER An excellent practice, but just at the moment, you should focus on the Jabberwocky.
[The right answer. She smiles.]
RED QUEEN Where’s your champion, little sister?
[Alice steps boldly into the clearing.]
ALICE Here.
RED QUEEN [Deadpan] HELLO, UM.
ON ALICE AND THE JABBERWOCKY
[She looks up at the huge terrifying creature. The Jabberwocky roars. Alice whispers to herself, her voice trembling.]
ALICE Six impossible things. Count them, Alice. One! There’s a potion that can make you shrink. Two! And a cake that can make you grow.
[She draws the Vorpal Sword. The Jabberwocky lowers his huge head and hisses.]
JABBERWOCKY So, my old foe, we meet on the battlefield once again.
[Alice is shocked. She hadn’t thought that he could talk.]
ALICE We've never met.
JABBERWOCKY Not you, insignificant bearer. My ancient enemy, the Vorpal one.
[He strikes out suddenly with his spiked tongue. Alice lifts the Sword to defend herself and the Sword slices off the Jabberwocky’s tongue. It falls to the ground wriggling in the dirt. The Jabberwocky can only make a burbling sound.]
ALICE That’s enough chatter. [the White Queen gags at the sight of Alice chopping Jabberwocky's tongue off]
[The Jabberwocky whips his pronged tail and knocks her to the ground. She lays for a moment, catching her breath and continuing her six impossible things.]
ALICE Three. Animals can talk.
[The Jabberwocky drives his spike tail down to stab her. She barely rolls out of its way in time.]
ALICE (faltering) Four. Four, Alice!
[She pulls herself to her feet.]
ALICE Cats can disappear.
MAD HATTER Watch your head!
[She ducks in time to avoid the creature’s snapping jaws.]
ALICE Five. There is a place called Wonderland.
[He swipes at her with long curved claws. She deflects them.]
ALICE Six.
[She stands still for a moment, then slowly lifts her head. All fear is gone. There is nothing but fierce intention and bloodlust in her eye.]
ALICE
And I can slay the Jabberwocky!
[She swings the Sword and attacks with fury. The Jabberwocky is surprised by her fierceness. They do battle.]
MAD HATTER Behind you!
[She turns, distracted.]
CLAWS scrape down the back of her armor.
Alice backs up toward the Hatter, fending off the Jabberwocky.
ALICE
I can manage. Thank you.
The Red Queen sees them talking.
RED QUEEN
The Hatter’s interfering! Off with his head!
EXT. THE TULGEY WOOD - A CLEARING - DAY [Stayne runs toward him, sword drawn. The Hatter fights back and the well-ordered duel erupts into a full-scale battle with Alice and the Jabberwocky in the eye of the storm. During the battle... ...Bayard and Mallymkun take on the JubJub bird...Chess disappears and reappears to confuse the Red Knights...the Bandersnatch does battle with four Red Knights...the Tweedles fight back-to-back with perfect precision and timing and not a single argument...March Hare stares upward, paralyzed with fear until he gets slammed by a Red Knight. Then he goes crazy, throwing things like a wild man.
ON ALICE AND THE JABBERWOCKY
[Alice leaps onto the Jabberwocky, pulling herself up his scales. He twists and snaps trying to shake her off. The Vorpal Sword practically pulls itself out of her hand in its relentless pursuit of the creature’s head. Alice makes her way to the Jabberwocky’s vest where she clings trying to slash its neck with the sword. The vest buttons strain with Alice’s weight. They snap...one...two...three...only one left holding the vest on by a thread. Alice can barely hold onto the slashing sword. Just as the last button gives way, she propels herself into the air.]
ALICE OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!
[With one powerful thrust, she cuts off the Jabberwocky’s head. Both Alice and the head fall at once, the Jabberwocky’s jaws still snapping at her in its death throes. Alice hits the ground hard. The Jabberwocky’s head rolls a few feet away. She lays on the ground, breathing heavily. Finally, she picks up the Jabberwocky’s head, carries it to the Red Queen and drops it at her feet. The Queen points to Alice imperiously.]
RED QUEEN Kill her!
EXT. THE TULGEY WOOD - DAY The nearest Red Knight throws down his weapon.
RED KNIGHT We follow you no more...bloody big head.
RED QUEEN How dare you! Off with his head!
[The other Red Knights toss their weapons down. The crown lifts off the Red Queen’s head. She snatches for it as it floats over to the White Queen where it gently lowers to her head. The Cheshire Cat materializes next to her.]
WHITE QUEEN Iracebeth of Crims, your crimes against Underland are worthy of death. But that is against my vows. Therefore, you are banished to the Outlands. No one is to show you any kindness or ever speak a word to you. You will have not a friend in the world.
[Stayne bows unctuously to the White Queen.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS Majesty, I hope you bear me no ill will.
WHITE QUEEN Except this one. Ilosovic Stayne you will join Iracebeth in banishment from this day until the end of Underland.
[The White Knights grab Stayne and chain him to Iracebeth.]
RED QUEEN At least, we have each other.
[In a last panic, Stayne pulls a knife and tries to stab her. She screams. The Hatter throws a dagger which makes Stayne drop his knife. Stayne drops to his knees before the White Queen.]
KNAVE OF HEARTS Kill me...please.
WHITE QUEEN But I do not owe you a kindness.
[Red and White Knights drag them away.]
RED QUEEN You tried to kill me! YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!
[The Hatter bursts into the futterwacken]
MAD HATTER Oh Frabjous Day! Callou! Callay!
ALICE What is he doing?
CHESHIRE CAT Futterwacken.
[His head spins around and he then bows as the others cheer]
[Chess puts a comforting arm around a disappointed Mallymkun.]
[The White Queen leans down to the still bleeding Jabberwocky’s mouth to catch some of his blood into a vial.]
WHITE QUEEN And blood of the Jabberwocky. You have our everlasting gratitude. And for your efforts on our behalf...
[The Queen hands the vial to her.]
ALICE Will this take me home?
WHITE QUEEN If that is what you choose.
[Alice lifts the vial. The Hatter puts his hand on hers.]
MAD HATTER You could stay.
ALICE What an idea... a crazy, mad wonderful idea.
[She looks at the strange and wonderful beings she’s met in this strange and wonderful place. But then, thoughts of her mother and sister and unfinished business intrude.]
ALICE But I cannot. There are questions I have to answer. And things I still must do.
[She drinks the potion.]
ALICE I’ll be back again before you know it.
MAD HATTER You won’t remember me.
ALICE Of course I will! How could I forget?
[His face starts to shimmer as he whispers in her ear.]
MAD HATTER Fairfarren, Alice.
[Underland shimmers and then dissolves into...]
INT. THE RABBIT HOLE - DAY
[Grass. Alice finds herself face down in the field, clinging to the edge of the Rabbit hole, legs dangling precariously.]
EXT. THE MEADOW - DAY
[Alice pulls herself up and looks around, blinking in the bright sun. She shakes her head. All memory of Underland gone once again. She looks down at her clothes, confused by their ragged, torn, filthy condition. She looks at the rabbit hole.]
ALICE ...must have fallen in.
EXT. ASCOT ESTATE - THE GARDEN PARTY
[The party is still going on although a bit subdued. Hamish speaks to the confused guests.]
HAMISH
She left me standing there without an answer.
FIONA A case of nerves, no doubt.
[People fall silent as Alice wanders back onto the lawn, looking like she’s been through a war.]
HAMISH Alice?
LORD ASCOT Good Lord. Are you all right?
[Her mother goes to her.]
HELEN KINGSLEIGH What happened to you?
ALICE I fell down a hole and hit my head.
LADY ASCOT You look a frightful mess.
[Alice turns to Hamish. Her adventure, although unremembered, has given Alice unwavering confidence and self-awareness.]
ALICE I’m sorry Hamish, I can’t marry you. You’re not the right man for me. And there’s that trouble with your digestion.
(to her sister)
I love you, Margaret. But this is my life. I’ll decide what to do with it.
(to Lowell)
You’re lucky to have my sister for your wife, Lowell. And you be good to her. I’ll be watching, very closely.
[He blanches at the veiled threat. She turns to Imogene.]
ALICE There is no prince, Aunt Imogene. You need to talk to someone about these delusions.
[She addresses Lady Ascot.]
ALICE I happen to love rabbits, especially white ones.
[She turns to her mother and kisses her on the cheek.]
ALICE Don’t worry, Mother. I’ll find something useful to do with my life. (to the Chattaway Sisters) You two remind me of some funny boys I met in a dream.
[She looks around. Anyone else? Lord Ascot lifts a finger.]
LORD ASCOT You’ve left me out.
ALICE No I haven’t, sir. You and I have business to discuss.
LADY ASCOT The impertinence!
LORD ASCOT I’d like to hear what she has to say. Shall we speak in the study?
[He starts to lead her off, but she turns back.]
ALICE Oh, and one more thing.
[She lifts her skirt, revealing her bare legs and does a brisk Futterwacken to the shock of some and delight of others.]
INT. ASCOT MANSION - THE STUDY - LATER
[Alice studies a map of the world on the table.]
ALICE My father told me he planned to expand his trade route to Sumatra and Borneo. But I don’t think he was looking far enough.
LORD ASCOT Not far enough?
ALICE Why not go all the way to China? It’s vast, the culture is rich, and we have a foothold in Hong Kong. To be the first to trade with China. Can you imagine it? She looks at him. Her eyes shine just like her father’s did.
LORD ASCOT
If you were anyone else, I would say you’ve lost your senses. But I’ve seen that look before. Since you’re not going to be my daughter-in-law, perhaps you would consider an apprenticeship with the company?
On her surprise and delight we fade to:
EXT. A SAILING SHIP - SIX MONTHS LATER
A crowd has gathered to see the China Trading Company’s ship off. Alice stands on the deck, waving to her mother, sister and Lord Ascot. As the ship pulls away, a beautiful Monarch butterfly with blue tinged wings lands on her shoulder. She smiles.
ALICE Hello, Absolem.
[Absolem takes wing, as Alice watches him soar skyward...]
[Screen fades to black as Avril Lavigne’s “Alice” plays while credits roll]
a VERY MAD teaparty indeed!
Mad as a Hatter
The law of wonderland is to achieve you have to believe....the imposible